A Quest Radio Reflection from the "Lanterns in the Valley Series" with Linda Dyson

The holidays are supposed to be joyful.

That’s the message everywhere—music, commercials, family traditions, invitations, expectations. And yet, for many people, the holidays arrive carrying something very different: grief.

If you’ve lost someone you love—recently or years ago—you may feel it already. A heaviness in your chest. A knot in your stomach. A quiet dread about gatherings, empty chairs, familiar traditions that now feel unfamiliar.

And here’s the truth I want to say clearly and compassionately:

There is nothing wrong with you if the holidays feel hard.

Why the Holidays Can Intensify Grief

The holidays magnify grief for several reasons:

• Memories surface everywhere—songs, smells, decorations, traditions.

• Expectations to be joyful don’t always match what your heart can hold.

• Busyness leaves little space to process emotions.

• Sensory triggers—a favorite dish, a familiar ritual—can bring sudden waves of sadness.

• The “empty chair” becomes painfully visible.

Grief isn’t linear, and the holidays tend to press all the emotional buttons at once.

The Tug-of-War: Wanting to Celebrate and Wanting to Hide

Many people describe the holidays as an emotional tug-of-war.

One part of you wants to honor traditions, show up for family, or feel grateful.
Another part of you feels sad, tired, quieter than before—or simply not up for it.

Both parts are valid.

Grief teaches us that joy and sorrow can exist in the same heart at the same time. You don’t have to choose one or pretend the other isn’t there.

Giving Yourself Permission This Season

One of the most important things you can do during the holidays is give yourself permission:

• Permission to feel what you feel.

• Permission to change traditions.

• Permission to say no—or “maybe.”

• Permission to be quieter than usual.

• Permission to leave early.

• Permission to cry.

• Permission to find moments of peace without guilt.

Authenticity matters more than performance—especially in grief.

When Others Expect You to Be Joyful

This season can be especially difficult when people want you to “cheer up,” “be grateful,” or “focus on the positives.”

Here’s a gentle truth:
You are not responsible for managing other people’s discomfort with your grief.

Simple boundary phrases can help:

• “I’m grateful to be here, but I may be quieter today.”

• “This season is tender for me, and I’m taking it slowly.”

• “I’ll join for part of the gathering, then I’ll listen to my body.”

Boundaries are not rejection. They are self-respect.

Honoring the Empty Chair

Many families find comfort in acknowledging the one who is missing rather than pretending nothing has changed.

Some gentle options:

• Light a candle.

• Say their name.

• Share one memory.

• Set out a flower, photo, or small symbol.

• Offer a prayer or moment of silence.

Love doesn’t end. It changes form.

Simple Tools That Help During the Holidays

Here are a few grounding practices that many find helpful:

• A 60-second morning prayer or reflection: “Today, I’ll take this one moment at a time.”

• Breathing: Inhale for 4, exhale for 6.

• Movement: A short walk or gentle stretch.

• Writing: A letter to your loved one—or to yourself.

• Micro-breaks: Step outside, sit quietly, breathe.

Small moments of care add up.

A Final Word of Compassion

If you’re navigating the holidays after a loss, please hear this:

You are not weak.
You are not failing.
You are grieving because you loved.

This season does not require you to “move on.”
It only asks that you move gently.

And if all you can do some days is show up and breathe—that is enough.

You are not alone.

— Linda Dyson